My name is Sainee Raj. Some of you know me as ‘Ritu’ from Shaka Laka Boom Boom, some must have watched the random youtube videos I keep doing or maybe watched my two short films I’ve co-written (which I’m highly proud of). Or better still, you don’t know me at all. And that’s awesome! I haz lots of work to doooo!
And honestly, I don’t know me too. Really, I don’t mean to sound ‘oh so mysterious’. I’ve grown old I guess, passed that phase.
Just see, it’s 3:37 am on my clock, I’m suffering from a terrible abdominal infection and if I don’t get well soon, I’ll be admitted. And here I am, trying to make conversations.
I love how social media has become such an amazing platform to say what one feels, unabashedly.
I used to write another blog back in the college days. But that was shamelessly about me. But this one, this has to be about us. (Well, in the beginning about me, till I have some of you contributing.)
At the risk of being mocked and spoken of – I’m going to do this. Each and every day.
I have depression. Unfortunately not the kind of depression where you get ‘depressed’ if red velvet is out of stock. The real kind. I thought I’ll wait till my course is over and I’m completely alright to make people aware of it, but you know what, sometimes I feel that’s a long way and sometimes I’m just plain scared.
These are the following questions I get asked when I tell people about my clinical depression –
“Oh, did you break up?”
“Would you beat him up if you don’t take your medication?”
“Are your family members mean to you?”
“Have you tried to kill yourself?”
Yes. I did break up. No break ups can’t cause ‘depression’ per say. You know when your loved ones die, or leave you. You grieve. And then you cope. But sometimes, you get a fever and its on the inside and you’re not a lunatic when you feel it, even when others can’t see it. No really! I’ve beaten up myself for this. But it’s not your fault. It isn’t my fault.
Nope! I’d beat him up if he eve teases me or something. But I’m the same old me even without medicines.
My family loves me. Infact, only a few close ones know about this and now all of you do.
Nope! That is a later stage and it’s heart breaking. Thankfully I saw it in me earlier and have been finding ways to cope.
There’s no shame in being scared about getting mocked or laughed at. More and more people need to know that Depression does exist. It existed way before Deepika Padukone spoke about it and unfortunately it’ll exist way after it.
An odd number of people at this hour would prefer to sulk over their miseries. I’ve done that, you know. And it only hurts. All I want from you is to talk to me. I don’t promise any magic but together we can make beautiful memories.
Even if you’re a healthy person you must talk to me!
I love movies!
I’m a writer by profession and an actor.
I’m a sucker for lyrics and Gulzar saab!
Apart from wanting a gigantic bungalow in Mumbai where I’ll keep all my dogs, I want to work with SRK. Work, not meet, I want him to remember me.
And someday I’ll adopt a girl.
There! You know all about me.
I have undressed in front of you (not literally) and in return I want you to talk to me and tell me your secrets and sorrows, first kiss and last hugs.
I will post about ‘which film you have to watch’ etc. Film discussion is a must! Your recommendations will get me through!
You can find me here. Don’t worry if they tell you otherwise, you did your best. Don’t beat yourself up.
It’s okay to be a little broken, everybody is broken in this life. (Guess who?)