Birthday Blues

I’ve been awfully lazy, relatively busy (thankfully) and amidst all this binging on movies – here the worst part comes – I still haven’t updated my blog.  I apologise to me and you, and promise to be less lazy and more efficient this year.

This year?

I turned 25 on May 29th. I’m dreading my ’29 and 29th’. But I was also dreading my 25th. Mainly because like all of us do, I too began comparing my years of achievements with my age index. As if it’s a math solution, a tried and tested formula.
I was extremely low on the day, mainly because, I was older and felt the public gaze filled with expectations and disappointment stare right through my soul. My mother told me at my age she had had my sister, my friend’s mom told me that it’s high time to marry now. My boss told me that aww I’m still a baby. But it was I who told me things that affected the most.

I began pondering over how that 15 year old Sainee imagined a 25 year old Sainee to be.
She thought she’d be a super successful criminal psychologist (was obsessed with Maya Dolas) or a Vet , she’d be married to SRK (but in a platonic kinda way), she’d be loaded and would shop at the drop of a hat. She’d have boys all around her but she’d break their hearts instead of getting hers broken.

10 years since then, she grew up to understand that she wanted to write instead. She secretly loved acting but because the society judged one so heavily on their looks and body type, a then, overweight Sainee chose not to mention it.
She realised that money is a tough commodity to have and once you have it it’s tougher to let go. Plus, she isn’t a big fan of shopping.
And more often than not heartbreak isn’t in one’s control.

So to me and you, if you’re older and worried that you’re not wiser. If you ‘still’ hate your job, or ‘still’ don’t have one. If you’re ‘still’ acting stupid in your relationship and if you’re ‘still’ making up your mind whether or not you want that career option, or that dress or that piece of cake.

There is no such thing as a ‘still’. Because there’s no age limit and time limit to learn and grow and to suck and fail.

I’m going to promise myself on my 25th that I won’t compare my life with someone else’s. We’re all going through our own individual journeys and it’s silly to compare two completely parallel journeys with one another. Besides, who decides what achievement is the parameter of ‘achieving it all’. What’s that ‘all’ anyway?
The more we achieve, the more we want. I’m not asking to not want, I’m an overly ambitious girl too, but 25 isn’t too late, or too early. It’s just another year gone. Just time passing. *repeats to herself*

I’m going to run behind happiness and if my happiness is success, or lots of money or a rickshaw wallah not refusing to take me to my destination, I’ll have arrived!
One day at a time.

We’re all special. Despite of what the society says.
Hang in there and keep at it.

Age indeed is just a number.

 

 

WhatsApp Image 2017-05-29 at 8.28.14 PM
Moving on, here are the films I watched and you must too –

Angamaly Diaries (2017) (You’ll have the time and hunger pangs of your life)

Meri Pyaari Bindu (2017) (Hated and loved by equal people, I was in the latter group, ob)

A Death in the Gunj (2017) (It’ll leave you with a pit in the gut)

Chi Va Chi Sau Ka (2017) (Great scene writing.  Complete family entertainer!)

 

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